How Your Anger Is Really Impacting Your Children

I am long familiar with the Golden Rule, yet it's only in the last month that I've thought of it particularly in terms of my children—not treating them as they are but as I would have them be. As often is the case, God used my son's little secular hippie preschool to bring this home for me. 

 

At a parent meeting, the speaker asked parents their main concerns for their children's behavior right now. Parents yelled out things like sibling rivalry, angry tantrums, hitting, general snotty attitudes and so forth. Then she asked what character qualities we hoped they'd have when they headed to college. 

 

The group suggested empathy, perseverance and self-confidence, among others. As a believer, I would add grace, service and love. I really want my boys to have personal confidence in who they are in Christ that equips them to extend grace to others. I want them to love as 1 Corinthians 13 defines it—with patience, with a long fuse, not rude, not keeping a record of wrongs, giving the benefit of the doubt and so on. I want them to serve like Christ. 

 

Then the speaker led us in an exercise. She said, "Put your feet squarely on the floor." She did it, and we did too. "Sit up straight." She modeled, and we did it too. "Touch your thumb and first finger in an OK sign." 

 

We did it with her. "Put the OK sign on your chin." But she put hers on her cheek. And every last one of us in the room without thinking put ours on our cheek too. She had made her point effectively. We say we want one thing with our kids, but so often we model something else. And they will always pick up what we model over what we say. 

 

God got my attention. My son has an anger problem because I have an anger problem that I have well modeled for him. And when I get angry at him because he got angry and threw a toy, I'm not helping anything. Apart from Scripture, my default belief system is that when he sins, I need to get really angry in proportion to the seriousness of the offense—that the angrier I get, the more effective it will be at deterring him from doing it again. 

 

The only problem is that my anger is not a deterrent to him doing it again. It just models anger for him and educates him in more sophisticated ways to act on it. That's not how God transforms me, and it's not how He intends me to disciple my children. 

 

Here are Jesus' instructions from Luke 6:

 

"And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful" (vv. 31-36).

 

As I wish that my boys would do to me and others, I should do to them—not do to them in a reactionary response to what they just did. It's my job to break the cycle of act and react. I should just act. Stay on course. Love. Grace. Compassion. Endurance. Act on my vision of what I want them to be, and model consistently for them my end goal. 

 

My angry little boy sure can make me angry. But my job in Christ is to stop the cycle, correct him and model for him with my life as well as my words a new and better way through gospel grace to deal with conflict. 

 

Of course, the Golden Rule transcends child-rearing. I had just never thought of it in those specific terms. It applies to my children, my husband, my friends and my enemies. Do to them not in reaction to what they just did to me, but do to them with a vision of where God is calling them. And that is the essence of being salt and light in the places God has called me to function.

 

Adapted from Wendy Alsup's blog, theologyforwomen.org. Wendy has authored three books including By His Wounds You are Healed: How the Message of Ephesians Transforms a Woman's Identity. She is also a wife, mom and college math teacher who loves ministering to women. 

 

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Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/19121-how-your-anger-is-really-impacting-your-children

Why Exercising While You're Pregnant May Make Your Baby Smarter

Moderate exercise during pregnancy may boost your baby's brain development, according to new research. 

The study involving 18 moms-to-be and their babies found that "at 10 days, the children have a more mature brain when their mothers exercised during the pregnancy," says study researcher Elise Labonte-LeMoyne, a Ph.D. candidate in kinesiology at the University of Montreal.

Other studies have found health benefits for newborns and older children whose mothers worked out during pregnancy, the researcher says. And while animal studies have shown that exercise during pregnancy alters the fetal brain, she believes this is the first study to look at exercise's effect on human brain development.

For the study, which was scheduled for presentation Sunday at the Society for Neuroscience annual meeting in San Diego, the researchers randomly assigned 10 pregnant women to an exercise group and eight to an inactive group at the start of their second trimester. The active group was told to engage in at least 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise three times a week at a moderate intensity—meaning it should lead to at least a slight shortness of breath. They typically walked, jogged, swam or cycled, Labonte-LeMoyne says.

On average, the workout group clocked 117 minutes of exercise a week; the sedentary group 12 minutes weekly. Using an EEG, which records the brain's electrical activity, the researchers measured the newborns' brain activity while sleeping when 8 to 12 days old. They focused on the ability of the brain to recognize a new sound, Labonte-LeMoyne says, noting this reflects brain maturity.

The babies whose mothers exercised showed a slight advantage, the investigators found. "The brain is more efficient; it can recognize the sound with less effort," she explains.

The differences may translate to a language advantage later in life, she speculates. The researchers are continuing to track the children's development until age 1 to see if the advantage remains.

It's possible that exercise speeds up a process known as synaptic pruning, whereby extra nerve cells and connections are eliminated, helping brain development, Labonte-LeMoyne says.

The study findings didn't surprise Dr. Raul Artal, professor and chair of obstetrics and gynecology and women's health at Saint Louis University School of Medicine. He has long touted the value of exercise for healthy pregnant women.

"It's known that babies respond to stimuli in utero," he says. The new research reinforces the belief that "pregnancy is not a state of confinement or indulgement." 

"It has been documented that pregnant women who lead a normal life, exercise and eat judiciously have better pregnancy outcomes," Artal says, while a sedentary lifestyle, obesity and some diseases can hurt the unborn baby.

The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists states that women with uncomplicated pregnancies who are recreational and competitive athletes can remain active during pregnancy, modifying their routine when medically necessary. Women who were inactive before getting pregnant or who have medical or pregnancy-related complications should be evaluated first by their doctor, the guidelines say.

Research presented at meetings is considered preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed medical journal.

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Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/life/health/19103-why-exercising-while-you-re-pregnant-may-make-your-baby-smarter

7 (extremely important) things every couple should STOP doing

by Corina Dondas

This tip is a bit related with the first one because by always wanting to be right means that you don't accept the fact that your other half is a different person, that he (she) has their own opinion and that sometimes their opinion might hurt you, but that doesn't mean that you always have to prove them wrong, especially if you aren't, in fact, right.

1. TRYING TO GET EVEN

In my opinion this is one of the most important things every couple should stop doing. I know that you may feel hurt sometimes because of something that your partner did, but you should know that revenge isn't the best way to solve a conflict and it will definitely not help your relationship heal. If your better half made a mistake, talk about it, find out the reasons behind his (her) actions and if it turns out that they never intended to hurt your feelings, try to forgive and forget. Forgiveness is one of the major ingredients in every successful relationship.

2. BEING TOO BUSY TO SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER

I know how busy everyone is now days and how much everybody needs to work in order to be able to support themselves and also provide to their families. But, even if sometimes you feel like you don't even have enough time for yourself, let alone for your partner, try to organize your schedule, learn how to manage your time more efficiently and always make time for the one you love. In those moments, give your partner your full attention, be present and don't think about everything that worries you, about what you have to do the next day at work or what are you going to cook for dinner. Spend time with your better half and you'll see how all those worries will magically go away.

3. FORGETTING TO COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER

I know you feel comfortable with your partner (and you should feel this way); after all he (she) is the only person in the world that knows you best. But, even though you think your loved one already knows how you feel about them, it doesn't hurt if you would remind them more often how special they are or how much you love them. Compliment your partner more often! Say something nice to them every single day, no matter how tired or busy you might be and then prove them your beautiful words are true.

4. WANTING TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT

This tip is a bit related with the first one because by always wanting to be right means that you don't accept the fact that your other half is a different person, that he (she) has their own opinion and that sometimes their opinion might hurt you, but that doesn't mean that you always have to prove them wrong, especially if you aren't, in fact, right. Express your opinion in a polite manner and respect your partner's point of view, even if you don't agree with it.

5. HIDING PROBLEMS FORM EACH OTHER

I know that out of love, you may always be tempted to try to protect your partner because you don't want to see them upset and this might make you hide a few problems or difficulties you might be facing at work or even some personal issues. You should never do that. Just allow your partner to be there for you, to be able to help and support you. Even though the things you're going through might make him (her) feel sad, they might even be sadder if they didn't have the chance to do something to help you smile again. Remember that you're not alone and you partner might definitely make things more easy for you.

6. HIDING FLAWS FROM EACH OTHER

Everyone has flaws and nobody's perfect but I'm sure you already know this. If you think you always need to hide your flaws because you might scare your partner or you fear you might even lose him (her), I must tell you that you might be mistaken. By always trying to hide your little imperfections, you won't give your partner the chance to truly know you and to decide for himself (herself) if those so called imperfections are not in fact features that make you interesting and unique.

7. RESISTING COMPROMISE

Every relationship takes a lot of time, effort and hard work in order to be fairy-tale perfect. You should be both working on it equally and you should know that sometimes you'll have to make some compromises or small concessions in order to solve a few conflicts that may appear along the way. Don't let your stubbornness get in the way and find a solution that will work best for both of you. Learn to cooperate and don't resist compromise out of pride! Do what's best for your relationship, thus for yourself!

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Read this article in All Women Stalk

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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Original Page: http://www.ynaija.com/7-extremely-important-things-every-couple-should-stop-doing/

Opinion: Whatever happens, dont stop. Keep moving

by Ifeanyi Igbokwe

Have you ever wondered where your state governor was twenty five years ago? He probably was like every other man out there on the street working hard to make ends meet. But he kept moving.

Many times, people find themselves in the downside of life. Most times, they didn't basically drag themselves down there. While many have the privilege of being born in places where all they would ever need has been made provisions for, others would have to work really really hard, if they are to see the light of day.

No matter which side of the coin you may find yourself, my submission for you today is keep moving. Is life hard and harsh today? Keep moving. Do you hate where you are at the moment, keep moving. Do you hate your life? Keep moving. Keep moving because the graph of life may be very undulating, but its trend is always upward. Keep moving because this too shall pass.

Childhood was not so sweet for little Miles Munroe- life was hard and rough, for he woke up morning after morning with roaches bites from sleeping on a mat on a wooden floor in a village in Hawai. It was the 'bed' he shared with his 6 sisters, who equally didn't like it either but the day came when he had to choose between mere fate and a bright future. He had to choose between inheriting poverty and breaking away from lack and staying away. Knowing fully well that his chances of success are slim to none, he stuck with education and excelled knowing it was his best bet to the success he desired.

Little by little Dr Miles Munroes, kept at it, rising to become a choice consultant and pastor that today consults for heads of state around the world having become renowned author and teacher whose program benefits hundreds of thousands each year.

One thing is certain, if Miles Munroe had not woken up to the realities of his life and decided to work hard and change the direction his life was headed, he may have remained in poverty all his life.

Have you ever wondered where your state governor was twenty five years ago? He probably was like every other man out there on the street working hard to make ends meet. But he kept moving.

Long ago, I met a young man who told me a story I would never forget in a hurry. It was about a man who had once lived in hiscommunity. As a child, he parents were poor. It wasn't the kind of poverty we are used to. It was a case of extreme poverty. So impoverished was the family that they could not afford to keep him in school, so he was withdrawn and kept permanently in the farm. But the young child's spirit was too strong to give up on education. Being that he didn't have the privilege of siting in a classroom with his peers, what he did was to borrow the notebooks of his friends during holidays and digest them. This he continued until his peers got to SS3. By what time, he had both studied hard enough and has saved enough money to sit A-level exams, papers he cleared with so much distinction that he got a scholarship to study medicine in the UK.

Who would imagine that Tyler Perry would ever get to become a celebrated billionaire in Hollywood?He wasn't rich. He was the boy who was bullied for several years by his father. He was the opportunist who felt that he could write a play after watching Oprah's Show. Actually he wrote those script, but by the time he took it from one studio to the other, it was always the same story. It was always thrown out the window. He was a fresher and worse still, he wrote stories that featured black people with religious undertone and the big names were not interested.

Instead of giving up, he decided to produce his stories himself and was even more shocked when few people showed up. All of these experiments were with his hard-earned life savings. Eventually he ran out of money, went broke and began living in his car. But he was not one to give up on his dream. He still tried again and this time, fortune smiled at him.

Things may not be moving in your direction yet, but keep moving. It may not well yet, but keep on keeping on. In time, you will look back and be grateful to God that you found the courage to keep at it even when all else suggested otherwise.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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Original Page: http://www.ynaija.com/opinion-whatever-happens-dont-stop-keep-moving/

Spiritual Warriors, You Really Don’t Need to Scream at the Devil

Have you ever been so frustrated with your kids that you raised your voice in frustration? Have you ever yelled and screamed because you were just plain worn out after a hard day of work and fed up with the kids not submitting to your God-given authority?

Parenting experts say screaming at your kids is one of the worst parenting mistakes you can make for several reasons. First, when you resort to yelling, you've just demonstrated your lack of self-control—and you lose your power by losing control. Second, the kids usually tune you out when you yell. Third, children often grow more hostile toward you as you holler threats at them that you may or may not be willing or able to carry out.

Ultimately, when you scream at your kids, they lose a measure of respect for you because you're not confident enough in your authority to handle an attack on that authority without fleshing out.

Now let's translate that into spiritual warfare. Some spiritual warriors seem to equate volume with power. They scream at the devil as if he's deaf, but the devil's not deaf, and screaming doesn't convince him to bow. When results elude them, some spiritual warriors grow louder and begin to moan and groan and make threats against the enemy they don't have the authority to enforce.

Jesus Didn't Scream at the Devil

I am not against fervent spiritual warfare prayer—or even getting loud. What I'm after here is the yelling that comes from frustration or just out of a wrong mindset that louder is more powerful. One of my mentors once said spiritual warfare skills aren't taught, they are caught. There is some truth to that. I believe some spiritual warriors scream and holler and make threats against the devil because that's what they have seen modeled. But that's not what the Bible models. That's now how Jesus did it.

I've searched diligently, but I can't find any passage that shows Jesus losing His voice because He screamed and hollered at the devil for so long. When Satan confronted Jesus in the wilderness with all manner of temptation, Jesus simply wielded the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God (Eph. 6:17). The Bible indicates that "Jesus said, 'It is written …'" (Matt. 4:4-10, emphasis added)—not that Jesus yelled, Jesus hollered, Jesus screamed or Jesus shouted in frustration. Jesus said God's Word and let the Word cut through Satan's lies.

Likewise, when Jesus cast out devils, He didn't scream at them. It was the demons, rather, who were screaming. When Jesus cast out the demons from the two men in the Gadarenes, He simply said, "Go!" (Matt. 8:32). When Jesus cast out a demon in the synagogue, He calmly said, "Be quiet, and come out of Him!" (Luke 4:35). And when Jesus cast the demon out of the epileptic boy, He just rebuked the demon and it took off (Matt. 17:18).

We Don't Need to Scream at the Devil

So, Jesus didn't have to scream at the devil—and neither do we. A few weeks ago, I wrote an article entitled "You're Resisting the Devil, So Why Won't He Flee?" It's easy enough to get frustrated with the enemy when it seems like you've done everything you know to do and he just keeps attacking. It's tempting to scream at the devil and make idle threats, just like some parents do with their disobedient kids. But, my friends, I've tried it, and I can tell you the devil doesn't respond to it any better than your kids do. He probably just laughs at us as we strain our vocal chords.

We don't need to scream at the devil—and more volume doesn't equal more power. We just need to stand in our authority in Christ. That means, first, understanding our authority in Christ. Remember when the 70 returned with joy and told Jesus, "Lord, even the demons are subject to us in Your name" (Luke 10:17)? Obviously, they just experienced victory in spiritual warfare. But I assure you we have the victory in spiritual warfare whether we see it with our physical eyes or not.

So when we exercise our Christ-given authority, we should immediately rejoice whether we see the devil flee or not. In other words, when we engage in spiritual warfare, we should act as if we believe we have the victory rather than screaming louder because nothing appears to have changed. When we continue screaming, hollering and yelling at the devil, it merely demonstrates our lack of faith in our authority. We're putting our faith in our ability to shout loud enough to intimidate the devil. The devil is not intimated by us, but he will bow to the name of Jesus.

So as you engage in spiritual warfare, don't resort to yelling. Don't get frustrated and abandon the fruit of self-control. Don't start acting like the devil! Remember what Jesus said and rejoice: "Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you" (Luke 10:19). Amen.

Jennifer LeClaire is news editor at Charisma. She is also the author of several books, including The Spiritual Warrior's Guide to Defeating Jezebel. You can email Jennifer at jennifer.leclaire@charismamedia.com or visit her website here. You can also join Jennifer on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.

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Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/the-plumb-line/18938-spiritual-warriors-you-really-don-t-need-to-scream-at-the-devil