Friday, June 28

5 Reasons It’s GOOD When People Leave Your Church by Paul Alexander - ChurchLeaders.com - Christian Leadership Blogs, Articles, Videos, How To's, and Free Resources - Page

Over the past 17 years of full-time local church ministry, I've seen people come and go from churches for all kinds of reasons. For the most part, I've observed that those reasons have more to do with personal preference, style and relationships than God actually "calling" them to be at one church or another.

And when this begins to happen, I've seen church staff agonize over people departing from their churches.

Frustration and fear can begin to creep in.

How are we going to replace their financial support?
Who is going to fill their recently vacated volunteer role?

If they're leaving and they've been here so long, then is there something wrong?
Do they know something that I don't?
Should I be leaving too?

Even worse, I've seen church staff begin to make decisions rooted in the fear of people leaving as opposed to the advancement of the mission. And when that begins to happen, it's a clear indicator that the church is drifting toward becoming insider focused.

What if I told you that people leaving your church can actually be a good thing? Maybe even the best thing?

Below are five reasons that it's actually good when people leave your church:

1. They fell in love with who you were, not with who you are becoming.

They're stuck in the past.

They were there when the church was small enough that you could know everybody by name and the pastor was more available. Or maybe their favorite staff member excelled in their role when the church was smaller, but it passed by their capacity and they've been moved to a different role, or they're off the bus altogether.

Now things have changed and they've become critical that things aren't the same anymore. You know people are stuck in the past when they keep talking about the "good ole days" instead of what God is doing now.

2. It creates new opportunities.

When people leave your church, it creates an opportunity for new people to jump in, serve and fill the gap.

The exciting thing about new people is they always have fresh eyes, a different experience base, a new perspective and new ideas. When people leave your church, it's an incredible opportunity for an infusion of new talent and ideas that will help propel things forward.

3. It keeps the unity of the church.

When someone is dissatisfied, disgruntled and defaming the church and the leadership of the church, you've got a problem. The goal would obviously be to win their heart, but sometimes someone leaving the church is best for the unity of the church.

The Scriptures are clear that the unity of believers is paramount and nothing to fool around with. Simply put, if someone can't submit to the leadership of the church, then they need to go. To dig into this more, here's a post I wrote some time ago about "When is it Right to Leave a Church?"

4. To start a new church or a new campus.

When you're sending some of your best volunteers to go support a new church plant or campus, that's a great reason for someone to leave a church.

Hiving off people to start a new church or campus not only is catalytic in the support of that new work, but also if done well it infuses an entrepreneurial, gospel-driven spirit in the culture of the sending church and creates room for new people who have yet to say yes to following Jesus!

5. It forces staff to develop new talent.

Churches are notorious for having the same people volunteer in the same role week after week, month after month, year after year. In fact, a lot of churches get stuck in their volunteer culture for this very reason.

Many staff even have their "go to" volunteers that they know, love and trust. And while it's not bad to know, love and trust a volunteer, if it leads you to overuse or abuse a volunteer, that's another thing altogether. When people leave your church who were volunteering, it forces staff to allow "outsiders" to break in.

The truth is, people are always going to leave your church. Some will receive a job transfer, others will relocate for family reasons, while still others will simply get mad at you because you didn't behave the way they expected you to and they'll take their toys and go to another church down the street. The good news is you get to choose who goes and who stays by the leadership decisions you make every day.

What are some other reasons you would add to the list? Click the comment button below and add your insights!  

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Paul Alexander is a ministry consultant at TonyMorganLive. He is a pastor, speaker and strategist who has a passion for helping churches make vision real. For more than 12 years he has served on the senior leadership teams of some of the nation's leading mega-churches. Currently, Paul is serving as the Executive Pastor at Sun Valley Community Church, a large multi-site church located in the Phoenix area. Paul has been married to his wife Lisa for more than 16 years. Together they have three children Kennedy, Mia, and Lincoln.

More from Paul Alexander or visit Paul at www.paulalexanderblog.com/




Friday, June 21

End the Celebrity Syndrome in the Church


Jesus called His followers to be servants. But in today's flashy church scene, some leaders have become superstars.

There is a disease sweeping through the body of Christ. It's an infectious sickness I call "the man of God syndrome" or "the celebrity syndrome." It rears its ugly head in the form of self-adulation and self-promotion. Thankfully, the Bible offers the antidote.

In our politically minded, vote-conscious world, we think we are in control of who gets raised up. But the Bible says the opposite: "Exaltation comes neither from the east nor from the west nor from the south. But God is the Judge: He puts down one, and exalts another" (Ps. 75:6-7, NKJV).

In Daniel 2:21 we read, "And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings." God is plainly telling us we are not in charge!

What does this have to do with the man-of-God syndrome? Everything.

A "syndrome" is a group of symptoms that characterize a particular abnormality. The man-of-God syndrome describes people who "think more highly than they ought" of their positions in the body of Christ.

These arrogant individuals are enamored by their perceived value. Unlike Jesus who made Himself of no reputation, they spend their lives making sure everyone knows their reputation.

This deadly disease affects the body of Christ worldwide. It's in every congregation, denomination and church movement around the planet. Leaders are stuck on themselves.

Here's a word of caution to my fellow clergy. If you're a minister who's rising in prominence and you begin to feel as if you're somebody, get on your face before the Lord. Weep tears of repentance and say to the Lord: "Naked I came into this world and naked I will return. Anything I have or have accomplished is because You have given me breath" (see Job 1:21).

Remember Herod's fate when he began believing the praise of the crowd? He died and was eaten by worms (see Acts 12:20-23). I'd rather be a worm than be eaten by them.

You see, it's not by heredity. It's not by the orders of men. It's not by politics and elections. It's not by natural succession. Nor is it by conquest and war that we get elevated in life. It's by God.

Celebrity Mind-Set

When individuals infected with the deadly celebrity syndrome enter a room, they expect others to recognize their presence and pay homage. They desire front-row or platform seats and are visibly disturbed when not given the red-carpet treatment they desire.

They feel they must speak even when not called upon simply because they believe everyone present will live in the dark without their superior knowledge. These individuals have risen above doing menial tasks around the church such as cleaning toilets, picking up garbage and tending infants in the nursery. They no longer stoop that low because now they are "somebody."

They even find it beneath themselves to spend time with a church member who is not at their socio-economic or spiritual level. The sad truth is, they avoid the very people who have elevated them to their position in the ministry.

Leaders who have been infected with this disease no longer associate with common, ordinary people. They claim: "Time just doesn't permit me to spend time with you. I'm so busy." But they seem to have plenty of time to rub shoulders, play golf and sip tea with a more prestigious crowd.

Ministers with this syndrome no longer spend time in the foyer shaking hands with congregants. They claim the church has gotten too large. Yet they have time to shake hands and dine with the elite. I call these people "white-collar clergy."

I'm not attempting to sway the mass of ministers who, in their own minds, have risen to such high levels. They would attack me with Scripture and vilify me for speaking against their "well-deserved" positions. I'd rather spend my time preventing the present generation from going down that path.

Young men and women who desire to enter the ministry are witnessing a warped concept of true ministry. And many outside the church have become repulsed by today's Christian leaders.

Stuck on Self

The world is waiting for men and women of God who are more concerned about how they appear to Christ than how they appear to the crowd. People are longing to find leaders who are stuck on helping sinners rather than stuck on helping self. They are fed up with our slick self-promotion; glitzy, eye-popping Internet, TV and radio spots; and high-gloss, self-exalting magazine, newspaper and poster ads that elevate man rather than exalt Jesus.

Some leaders have gone so far as to hire Hollywood ad agencies and secular image consultants so they'll appear one notch above other ministers. Of course there's nothing wrong with advertising an evangelistic meeting, a ministry or a church. But many have gone too far.

The church of Jesus Christ needs to send this self-promotion back to where it was birthed—in the cesspool of hell. Wasn't Lucifer the first being who became full of himself and decided he should be promoted?

The next generation of believers needs shepherds who have a "servant syndrome" not a "serve-me syndrome."

I'm not speaking only of clergy. If you serve in the church in any way—as a Sunday school teacher, deacon, choir member or children's worker—then this message should speak volumes to you.

Why? Because the same self-promoting spirit that grips those in ministry can put a stranglehold on good, God-fearing churchgoers. The same idolizing, self-adulating spirit that has invaded the lives of so many who make ministry their career can find its way into your life too.

What can you do to avoid this deception? Here's what Jesus had to say on the subject.

The higher you rise in popularity, the greater your position as a servant. We're all familiar with the story found in Mark 9:35-37: "And He [Jesus] sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, 'If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all.' Then He took a little child and set him in the midst of them. And when He had taken him in His arms, He said to them, 'Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me.'"

Before Jesus humbly blessed this child, He had already performed incredible miracles. He healed the woman with the issue of blood, experienced the transfiguration, raised Lazarus from the dead and fed the 5,000. Yet after all that, what did He tell His disciples? "If you want to be first, you've got to be last. You must be a servant of all."

The higher you rise in popularity, the greater your position as a servant. That concept is hard to grasp in our Western culture because we're known for climbing the ladder of success. Secular bookstores are flooded with manuals on how to rise above the person in front of you, which is the exact opposite of what Jesus taught.

Jesus' prescription for this deadly syndrome is, "Whatever great things you do, always remember you're a servant." Let's keep in mind that one of the last acts of this miracle worker was washing the disciples' feet. The higher He rose in popularity, the greater His position as a servant.

A person who wants to be involved in the lives of men must first become intimate with God. We do that by spending time in our prayer closets repenting of our sins and getting to know Him.

Psalm 51 shows us the way. "Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me hear joy and gladness, that the bones You have broken may rejoice.

"Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit" (vv. 7-12).

Hyssop was a plant used for medicinal purposes and for cleansing. Here's the clincher. After you get right with God and are cleansed, after you become intimate with the Lord, something happens:

"Then I will teach transgressors Your ways; and sinners shall be converted to You" (v. 13). This is so clear. But too often people get the cart before the horse. If you want to be positioned in the ministry, if you want to be useful on earth, let me tell you how: Get in a place of intimacy with God.

Jesus, in the middle of His glorious, crowd-mesmerizing ministry, maintained intimacy with God.

What does this have to do with church life? Everything. Church members, singers, musicians, altar workers, children's workers, future staff members—whatever you're after, this is the road you must travel.

The amount of anointing you possess should never dictate how approachable you are. I've chosen not to model my life on the lives of modern-day pastors or evangelists. Although there have been great men and women of God in the past and there are many alive today, it is safer for us to pattern ourselves after Jesus. Jesus was mightily anointed, yet He allowed everyone to approach Him: children, people who had questions, people who had given up hope, people who made emotional pleas for help, people who wanted to follow Him. And He didn't send His thugs to get rid of them.

You know the story of blind Bartimaeus in Mark 10. He wanted a touch from God and screamed out, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" What did Jesus do? Did He say: "Get rid of him. Get him out of here"? No! He said, "Call him here." My friend, that's how Jesus operated. With His great anointing He was still approachable.

A person who is positioned in the ministry by God will be persecuted by others. You might as well accept it. If you're positioned by God, you will go through persecution. In fact, if you're not being persecuted, something is wrong.

Throughout the Word you will see this pattern. The Bible says they will revile or defame you. They'll speak evil of you, hate you and persecute you for righteousness' sake. Perhaps the reason we are not persecuted today is because we're not preaching the Word.

Are you standing for truth? Jesus sent His disciples into homes and said, "If they reject My Word, leave and wipe the dust from your feet" (see Matt. 10:14).

Ministers today go into the homes of millions through television. Rather than being rejected they are received. Rather than removing the dust from their feet, they are raking in donations from their followings.

I wonder what would happen if our words carried a little more weight! The Bible says all who live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution (see 2 Tim. 3:12).

A person who is popular with the crowd should never pollute his message. This is another antidote to the celebrity syndrome. You never compromise the message, no matter how large the crowd.

Jesus was popular with the crowd. But when He told them to eat His flesh and drink His blood, many said, "This is too difficult for us," and they turned and walked away (see John 6).

What was Jesus' response? He didn't flinch, change His message or run after the offended crowd. Instead, He turned to His disciples and said, "How about you, boys?" They responded, "You have the words of eternal life."

So He told them: "All right. If you're with Me, you're with Me. Now follow Me." Jesus is not going to change His message for anybody. We must live—and preach—to please God rather than man.

According to Jesus, a person who wants a ministry of mighty things must be willing to do menial things. Menial things are insignificant things that are done in secret when no one is shining a spotlight on you. You're just busy doing something for the Lord.

Jesus spent His life serving. He washed His disciples' feet. He cooked them breakfast after the resurrection. Jesus served.

If you want to achieve success and climb to a place of great elevation in the Lord, then look down. Don't pass up the insignificant tasks, especially those that nobody but God can see.

There's a new generation coming up, and I'm going after them. I want to raise up men and women who will get their model for life and ministry from the Word of God and the life of Jesus.

Their modus operandi will be to serve rather than be served, and their lives and ministries will be characterized by holiness, humility and a heartfelt love for people. I pray that God uses them in greater ways than He has used any other minister who has graced this planet—and that He preserves them from the deadly man-of-God syndrome.


Evangelist Steve Hill preached the Brownsville Revival for five years, is pastor emeritus of Heartland World Ministries Church and has authored 13 books, including Spiritual Avalanche.


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-growth/2480-the-celebrity-syndrome




Learn to Escape From the Performance Trap


Many Christians never mature spiritually because they define themselves by what they do instead of who they are.

The constant propensity of the born anew is to fall back to striving by human effort. Our minds and spirits know that salvation is a free gift, but our hearts retain their habit of trying to earn love by performing. Most commonly, we who are "saved" are unaware that motives other than God's love have begun to corrupt us into striving, tension and fear; or, suspecting, we fail to know what the wrong motives are or why we are driven by them.

"Performance orientation" is a term that refers not to the service we perform but to the false motives that impel us. Having brought performance orientation to death, we may do exactly the same works, in much the same ways, but from an entirely different intent in the heart. In bringing performance to death we are not saying to stop serving and doing but to die to the hidden, wrong motives in the heart.

As little children we all in some degree accept lies and build them into our nature. The most pervasive, destructive lie corroding all our actions is, "If I don't do right, I won't be loved." Sometimes even the conscious mind believes this lie, but more commonly it lodges like a snake hidden in the grass, slithering through all our efforts. For the performance-oriented, the base of all life is not restful acceptance and consequent confidence, but constant anxiety, fear and striving.

The lie becomes part of us through common, daily acts in our childhood. Potty training is a good example. When we did what we were expected to do at the right time and in the right place, we heard something like, "Oh, you did good. Mommy loves you."

Of course, Mommy would have loved us even if we had missed the mark, but in our childish minds we connected performing with love and soon arrived at the inverse, "If I don't do right [on the potty or anywhere else], Mommy won't love me."

Performing often becomes so intertwined with love that we cannot conceive of being loved unless we have performed rightly. Or worse, we come to believe that not performing earns rejection, so even if someone gives us love, we think we don't deserve it. As a result, either we won't receive love offered, or false guilt assails.

Mothers normally don't intend to teach wrong things. It just happens—again and again. "Oh, you look great in your new dress; Mommy loves you." The child may take home the message that good appearances earn love (and sloppiness or ugliness lose it). "You slept all night and didn't cry once. I'm proud of you, son; I love you."

Right away we may slip the hand of love into the prickly glove of striving to please. So simply and easily our hearts laminate what ought to be separated—behaving well and being loved. We learn to ?sh for love, every action a lure. No action, no ?sh (equals no love), and to our minds deservedly so. It all becomes a delusion.

Now let us add the many mistaken forms of correction most of us have endured. We hear: "Where did my little boy go? He was here a moment ago. This can't be my little boy who acts like this." Thus we are directly told that what we actually are is unacceptable.

Our identity must become the doll image, the picture someone else has created for us to act out. Fear of failing to be that identity strikes at the heart. We dread becoming lost from ourselves and from others, and so we lock ourselves into performing. Ironically, to the degree that we succeed in acting out what is wanted, we do in fact become lost from what would have been us.

Characteristics of Performance Orientation

Performance orientation does not de?ne one who works hard, but one who works hard for the wrong reasons. A free person may actually work harder doing the same works—impelled only by love.

Performance-oriented people require constant affirmation (unconsciously demanding it, sometimes verbally). They cannot handle criticism well. Their security is not ?rst in God and themselves but in what people think of them.

They are dependent upon the reactions of others. They have little center of decision in themselves. They must become whatever it takes to gain approval from others. They have become what Erich Fromm calls "market-oriented personalities" who sell themselves to be or do whatever purchases for them signs of acceptance. Reproofs are taken defensively, not as signs of acceptance and love, but as rejection. Guilt cannot easily be admitted because that is translated into, "I didn't try," "I don't belong," and "I must keep trying to belong or I am lost."

Give a rebuke to a performance-oriented person, and you may be astonished to hear, "You're telling me you don't love me." Secure persons living with performance-oriented people often marvel, "How did you get that out of what I said?"

Emotional outbursts can erupt from the smallest or even unintended slights, and we are amazed to hear, "How could you ever doubt that I love you?" usually followed by, "After all I've done for you," or:"You don't appreciate me. You never do."

Performance-oriented people dole out affection by measure according to how well the primary people around them have behaved. Love is not given when others haven't done well. Having been dealt with that way, they do it to others.

Christian love ought to be the opposite of performance-oriented behavior. The Word-become-flesh is love given unconditionally, unvaried by the good or bad behavior of the other. Christian love is born in the unfailing heart of Christ in us for the other.

How we act out that love may vary according to the other's behavior, to be appropriate to the needs of the moment. Rebuke may be the action love requires. Or tenderness. Or withdrawal. We are governed not by insecurity but by the ?ow of Christ's love in wisdom.

Unfortunately, however, we have developed sinful structures in a pre-Christian life. Performance orientation has been built in. It is the warp and woof of us. The Holy Spirit must ?nd ways to pour love out from the center of that tangled bramble bush we have become—and many people get stuck on the not-yet-dead thorny points of us. We still use love to control until death of self proceeds to deliverance.

Performance-oriented people are sometimes afraid to try new things. It isn't OK to fail. Not that they don't sometimes try new things. Performance orientation may drive them to venture wildly, or it may cause them to be strong enough to prevent innate creature drives.

But the point is fear. All normal people fear, but in performance-oriented people, fear of failure rises more out of what loved ones and others will think of them than how failure may hurt another. Security that makes fun of trial and error is gone.

The performance-oriented person wants to know what the rules are beforehand. The subliminal messages are: "Tell me how to do it so I can feel secure." "I want to know before I venture so I can feel good about myself." "I need to be in control."

Therefore, performance-oriented people cannot be spontaneous—unless they can playact it as a part of filling a role acceptable to those around them. Self-control is a virtue for them to the point of idolatry and rigidity. They are always poised and correct—in public.

Sometimes the burden becomes too heavy. The more people and new circumstances such a person encounters, the more subliminally he must work to discover the rules and roles. Thrown under too much pressure, he may crack up or fall into depression. He cannot conceive that he is accepted just because he exists; he believes acceptance will come only if he conforms to prevailing patterns.

Getting Free

How does one get free from performance-oriented living? It is not easy. The evil practices of the ?esh are stubborn. We are not accustomed to thinking of performance orientation, by which we strive to do so many good things, as sin, but it is.

You must begin by making every attempt to recognize that you are performance-oriented. Allow others to speak into your life about it. Read over and over biblical illustrations that de?ne it. Listen to sermon tapes that teach about it. Read our book Transforming the Inner Man (Charisma House) and others that discuss the problem.

Then you must come to see performance orientation not as a tiny, peculiar segment of your character, but as a metastatic cancer extending tentacles into everything you are and do. Recognize it not as some isolated little ?aw, but as the very warp and woof of your entire life, and come to hate it. "Hate what is evil," the apostle Paul tells us (Rom. 12:9, NIV). Performance orientation is the central structure of your kingdom of self!

"Repentance"—metanoia in Greek—means "change, to turn around and go the other way." All structures such as performance orientation have a life of their own in us. We are created in God's image, and whatever we create within us has a life of its own and does not want to die. That evil practice within will throw smoke screens and alibis: "Oh, yeah, well, you do the same thing," or "You're not so neat yourself."

Every sin, including performance orientation, carries a reward system with it. As long as we prefer the rewards, we will not change. One time I (John) kept trying and trying not to do a particular sin, praying about it over and over, only to do it again. Finally I got mad at God and cried out, "Why don't You help me with this?"

He answered quickly and succinctly, "You aren't disgusted with it yet!" Hate had not yet become fully ripe. God then told me, "You are still enjoying that thing."

"I do not. I hate it," I protested.

"Son, if you hated it enough, you'd quit it. You enjoy it."

That led me to ask myself in what hidden ways I might in fact be enjoying sin. The Lord began to reveal the hidden delights. If the sin was, for example, to turn silent, cold and inattentive around Paula, behind that single, simple happening were these roots: the delights of punishing a critical mother; feelings of power in getting another's goat; the wicked fascination of making another suffer; fantasies of being the noble martyr keeping his cool while Paula—poor thing—blows her control and becomes furious, not as able to be as "Christian and controlled" as I am; inadmissible feelings of getting even with Paula; dominance and control; male superiority—and so we could catalog a nearly endless list of delights behind one simple sin.

I am not likely to give up such rewards so long as they mean more to the hidden control centers of my heart than Paula or God mean to me. To come to a proper and sufficiently intense hatred of the self we have built in opposition to God is a distinct gift from the Lord.

I soon discovered I couldn't hate sin enough by the power of my ?eshly will to come to a true repentance. I stood helpless in corruption.

Repentance is born of a gift of love that reaches an unrepentant, unconverted segment of our hearts. Until true love is allowed, or somehow ?nally touches that guarded area, we cannot change. We may set the sails of our wills determinedly again and again, but usually the first change in the winds of life ?nds us unable to tack—and so we attack.

Pray that God will help you to hate the sin of performance orientation so that you can receive His grace to repent and change. You might also want to seek the help of a Christian prayer minister or small-group leader who has experience in inner healing. God does not want you to wear yourself out trying to earn what He has already given you as a free gift—His unconditional acceptance and love.


John L. and Paula Sandford are pioneers in the prophetic and inner-healing movements. Their new book, Transforming the Inner Man.


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-growth/2349-escaping-from-the-performance-trap




Thursday, June 20

10 Reasons You're Probably Going to Fail

In a recent blog posting, Tony Morgan talks about reasons why leaders fail:

It's not your passion. If it doesn't make your heart beat fast or cause your mind to race when you're trying to sleep, you're probably doing the wrong thing.

You don't have a plan. You need a vision, and you need to identify specific steps to make that vision become reality. That includes a financial plan. (I happen to believe you need direction from God on this.)

You're waiting for it to be perfect. Test-drive it. Beta-test that new idea. You'll fall into the trap of inaction if you think it has to be absolutely right from day one.

You're not willing to work hard. Everything worth pursuing in my life has involved discipline and perseverance.

It'll outgrow you. Keep learning. Keep growing. But more importantly, build a team of people including leaders who can be who you're not.

You've had success in the past. I've watched organizations hang on to a good idea for too long. Time passes. Momentum fades. It's risky to let go of the past and jump on the next wave.

You're unwilling to stop doing something else. Complexity is easy. Simplicity takes discipline. You can't build a healthy marriage if you're unwilling to give up dating other women. Who/what do you need to stop dating?

You won't build a team of friends. Anyone can hire from a resume. You need to find people you want to share life with. In the long run, great relationships will get you out of bed in the morning.

You won't have the tough conversations. When breakdown happens (and it always does), someone needs to put on their big-boy pants and initiate the difficult conversation that leads to relational healing.

You're afraid of failure. When fear consumes you, it will cause you to do stupid things. You'll let negativity distract you. You'll embrace the known and grow comfortable with mediocrity. The more often you fail, though, the more often you'll find success.

Saturday, June 15

Improve Your Health With Laughter


Negative emotions can affect your physical well-being. But keeping a smile on your face contributes to emotional and physical health.

Two of the greatest healing forces in the world are available to you at this very moment. They are the healing power of laughter and the restorative strength of joy. A merry heart is your greatest weapon against deadly emotions.

The Bible affirms the healing power of joy when it says, "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength" (Prov. 17:22, NLT). This scriptural truth suggests that laughter holds as much healing power as medicine. Is it any wonder that those who laugh easily often live longer than those who do not?

When you laugh, powerful endorphins, which act much the same way as morphine, are released in the brain. Endorphins trigger a feeling of well-being throughout your entire body. So you see, a merry heart really does work like medicine!

An enormous amount of research supports this fact. If a person is happy and at peace with himself and his surroundings, he will have significantly fewer serious illnesses than the unhappy person.

In the Department of Behavioral Medicine of the UCLA Medical School, Norman Cousins conducted extensive research into the physical benefits of happiness. He established the Humor Research Task Force that coordinated worldwide clinical research on humor. Cousin's body of research proved conclusively that laughter, happiness and joy are perfect antidotes for stress.

Long ago Isaiah wrote, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, whose thoughts are fixed on You" (Is. 26:3).

A noted doctor once said that the diaphragm, thorax, abdomen, heart, lungs--and even the liver--are given a massage during a hearty laugh. That's a good internal workout!

Instead of watching films or television dramas that drain and depress your spirit, choose something that can put a smile on your face and feed your healthy emotions.


Don Colbert, M.D., is a family physician and nutrition expert. His latest book is I Can Do This Diet (Siloam Press).


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/9591-improve-your-health-with-laughter




Why You Must Kill Your Ambitions

Spiritual fulfillment begins when we lay down selfish motives to pursue the heart of God.

When I first came to Christ, the Lord gave me a dream about my future. I was so excited! I thought everything He showed me in the dream would occur immediately. I didn't know I would have to go through a process of preparation that involved dying to self, learning patience and maintaining vision through testing before God's promise would be fulfilled.

In fact, I thought having a promise from God was the same as receiving a command from Him. I wasn't aware that I did not yet have what it took to step into His perfect plan.

Because of my desire to see God's promises come to pass, I became filled with ambition--the first motive that arises in the spiritually immature. I was like the disciples, who, a few days after Jesus' resurrection, were already asking, "'Lord, will You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?'" (Acts 1:6, NKJV).

Webster's dictionary tells us that ambition is "an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as wealth or fame, and the willingness to strive for it." The word translated "ambition" in the New American Standard Bible is rendered "strife" in the King James Version.

Where there is ambition, the apostle James says, there is also "disorder and every evil thing" (James 3:16, NASB). Why? Because we try to accomplish the will of God through the strength of man. We are seeking a breakthrough, but God wants us to experience brokenness.

Ambition is very deceptive. It can seem just like obedience to us, but because we don't truly know the Lord, we find ourselves obeying our own voices rather than God's.

Ambition seeks to put to death what stands between it and spiritual fulfillment. Yet it is ambition itself that must die for us to reach fulfillment.

Today I am living in the spiritual substance of what was just a dream 30 years ago. My ambitions have suffered greatly, yet my dreams are being fulfilled. Though I have not yet stepped into the fullness of my calling, I understand the difference between ambition and ministry, and it is this: Ministry is a call, not to lead but to die.

Take Up Your Cross

Remember: A godly vision is not the same as a godly motive. Jesus preached that the kingdom of heaven was at hand. This is vision. But He also taught that if any man were to follow Him, he had to "take up his cross daily" (Luke 9:23, NKJV). Carrying the cross is the only way to die to the ambition that hinders us.

And it requires that our definition of success be transformed. Ambition defines "achievement" as "a well-known name and praise from man." God says success is becoming Christlike.

In order to develop the character of Christ in us, God provides opportunities for us to be transformed--opportunities for us to take up the cross. Often these challenges take the form of an offense.

When offense comes, you have the choice to pick up one of two things: either the offense or the cross. You will know you have chosen the offense if, when you look at the past, you remember more clearly how people hurt you than how God delivered you.

The Father allows offenses to come because His goal is not to start churches, take cities or have revivals; His goal is for you to become Christlike. He wants you to learn to forgive offenses and use them as an opportunity to grow in love.

"Why doesn't the Lord protect me from hardship?" you ask. He does. Your protection is to carry the cross. The cross represents the perfection of love in your life. If you don't carry the cross, you will lose your love. Jesus warned, "Because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold" (Matt. 24:12).

En route to your spiritual fulfillment, there will inevitably be many opportunities for you to stumble. I have heard that out of every 40 seminary graduates, only one retires as a pastor. Few are those who carry the cross throughout their lives. But only those who do will ever find true fulfillment.

True Ministry

On occasion, ministers approach me and confess they are jealous of how the Lord has used me. They see the outward signs of ministry: churches uniting, large conferences, travel and book sales. But they do not see the cost.

I have faced death threats from satanists. I have seen satanic graffiti on the street signs of churches that hosted me and witnessed the effects of the vandalism perpetrated against them.

I have also faced persecution from other Christians, particularly those who fear the idea of unity. As a result, I've had my name maligned in books and periodicals and been pegged by misguided Christians as a "false prophet."

One time a host pastor was murdered just before I went to speak for a conference. When I heard about it, I decided to take along my associate pastors, Bill and Tim, from River of Life. Tim shared with me recently that the first night there he had to search his heart to determine whether he would be willing to step between me and an assailant or to take a knife for me if I were attacked.

I was grateful that his answer was yes. But at a hundred other conferences, where there has been no one to stand between me and a crazed assailant, I've had to prayerfully consider, "Am I willing to die for the Lord by going to this conference armed only with the gospel?"

I've had to combat fears caused by threats and the possibilities of evil more terrible than most people ever consider. I've also had to wrestle with deep concerns about my children and their safety, wondering how to deal with their vulnerability to potential physical attack.

Any volunteers for my assignment? Like Paul, I've had to say, "I die daily." I have learned through experience that a call to ministry is a call to die. In fact, I have discovered that only to the degree that we die to self do we lead others. Everything else is just religion without power.

When He was on Earth, Jesus sought to prepare His disciples for the hardships that awaited them. He warned them that a time was coming when He would be mocked, scourged and crucified. Incredibly, right in the middle of His sober warning, the mother of James and John requested that Jesus fulfill her family's ambitions! She said, "'Grant that these two sons of mine may sit, one on Your right hand and the other on the left, in Your kingdom'" (v. 21).

She was thinking advancement, position and place; Jesus was thinking scourging, mocking and death. She was looking for the crown; Christ was pointing to the cross.

Jesus' answer was intended to silence not only her ambitions, but ours as well: "'You do not know what you ask. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?'" (v. 22). The disciples said they were, but they hadn't the foggiest idea of the price to be paid.

Jesus answered them: "'You will indeed drink My cup...but to sit on My right and on My left is not Mine to give,'" (v. 23). He was telling them: "'I cannot fulfill your ambitions. I can only show you how to die.'"

We too must drink the cup Jesus described. Its contents fly in the face of ambition: "'Whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many'" (vv. 27-28). What are these contents? Elements that bring about suffering for the sake of love. This is the cup that leads to destiny.

Paul wrote of the source of power in his life. He said, "We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed...always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body" (2 Cor. 4:7-10).

What is this "dying of Jesus"? It is dying the way Jesus died, uttering "Father, forgive them." The only way ambition can be fulfilled is if we are ambitious to die for the redemption of others.

"For we who live are constantly delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you" (2 Cor. 4:11-12). This is the heart of the ministry every believer is called to: We are delivered over to death that the very life of Jesus, the actual substance of His character, may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

Ambition will fail us, but Paul says, "Death works in us." Death of self leads to the manifest life of Jesus. And this is true success.


Francis Frangipane is the founder of River of Life Ministries in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and has traveled throughout the world ministering to thousands of pastors and intercessors from many backgrounds. His heartfelt prayer is to see established in every city Christlike pastors and intercessors, united before God, revealing the love of Christ to their communities. Since 1985, Frangipane has written 14 books plus a number of study booklets. Over the past decades, he has served on a number of other ministry boards. However, in recent years he has gradually resigned from these various boards. As of June 2009, he has also retired from his position as senior pastor of River of Life Ministries. In his more simplified life, Frangipane is devoting himself to prayer and the ministry of God's Word.


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/spiritual-growth/128-the-death-of-ambition


How to Maintain the Flow of the Anointing


THE OIL WILL NOT RUN DRY IF YOU'RE OPEN TO RECEIVE A NEW ANOINTING. ASK GOD FOR IT, THEN ASK HIM FOR JARS INTO WHICH THE OIL CAN BE POURED.


If I had to choose one distinctive element of our ministry, it would be that we have been channels of restoration and spiritual renewal for both individuals and ministries. Hundreds of thousands of people who have attended our meetings around the world have testified to a fresh anointing that brought lasting changes to their lives, their communion with God and their Christian service.

But wherever I go I hear the same question: "Pastor Claudio, what do I do to keep the anointing flowing?"

All over the world, believers express similar concerns about keeping their anointing fresh. Some who are filled with oil and burning with the fire of the Holy Spirit are afraid of losing that wonderful communion with God. Others, whose jars have broken, have lost oil along the way. For them the question becomes a particularly urgent one.

LESSONS FROM A PROPHET I believe Elijah has something to teach us about keeping the anointing flowing. Consider his encounter with the widow at Zarephath. He comes upon her as she prepares a fire for the last meal she and her son expect to have.

When Elijah asks for bread and water, she tells him they have run out of food; all they have left is a handful of flour and a little oil. When that is gone, she and her son will die.

This situation illustrates the condition of many believers. They are God's children, and the oil of the Holy Spirit is in their lives. But their spiritual lives are as good as dead--they barely have any oil in their jugs.

There is very little anointing. They have a devotional life, but it is carried out with great effort, almost as a burden. They serve the Lord, but without any fruit.

Many Christians, aware that their situation is like that of the widow of Zarephath, prepare themselves for their spiritual death. They resign themselves to living Christian lives without joy, power or sparkle. They live their faith without expectation, just waiting to die.

But Elijah gave the widow a list of instructions to prevent the oil from running out. Let's examine these instructions together.

Examine your attitude. The first order Elijah gave the widow had to do with maintaining a correct attitude. "Don't be afraid," he told her (1 Kings 17:13). The widow at Zarephath had to stop believing that she and her son were going to die. She had to free her mind of negative thoughts and unbelief.

Unfortunately, a spirit of fear holds many Christians in bondage and hinders them from living an abundant life. The moment some Christians have a new experience with the Lord, they start thinking, I wonder how long this will last.

Maybe they have allowed the flame of God's fire to go out and now feel unqualified to start all over again. Or perhaps they are afraid of losing the fresh anointing they have received. We cannot permit ourselves to become immersed in unbelief, doubts and fear.

When God anointed you with His Holy Spirit, He didn't give you a spirit of timidity or fear. The oil that descended upon you is the spirit of love, power and self-control (see 2 Tim. 1:7).

Don't believe the lie that your Christian life will die a slow death, that your fellowship with God is fading. Don't accept as normal a substandard life when it comes to witnessing and service. Don't be paralyzed by fear so you end up losing all God has given you. If you follow the instructions in the Word, the oil of the anointing of the Holy Spirit will not run dry.

Establish your priorities. Elijah's second recommendation addresses priorities. When the woman told him her problem, Elijah had an interesting response: "Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small cake of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son" (1 Kings 17:13).

The word first is significant. Elijah appears to be insensitive. Although he knew that this poor widow had little food, he asked her to provide food for him first. But in doing so Elijah was applying a basic principle for receiving God's blessing.

This principle applies to our finances, but it also applies to everything else. Do you want blessings in your family life, your studies, your vocation, your profession, your relationships and your ministry? Then apply the priorities principle.

Give first to God; God, who doesn't owe anybody anything, will give you what you need and even more. Consecrate your life to God. Let Him be the most important thing in your life.

I have ministered to thousands and thousands of people, and I have never known anyone who, having put Jesus first in his or her life, has ever lost the intensity of the anointing.

Be obedient. The third precept is that of obedience.

Try to place yourself in the widow's situation. You are in the midst of a catastrophic national crisis. Because of a drought, there is no food.

All you have left is a handful of flour and a little oil in a jug. All you can do is eat and then die.

But suddenly, someone appears and tells you, "Before you and your son eat, give me something." What would you have done? What would you have said?

When the Potter places His hands on you and molds you as His jar, He fills you with oil so you can be a blessing to others. Disobedience ruins the jar and causes the oil to spill.

Many believers are anointed by God to minister with signs and wonders. God commands them to pray for the sick in His name so He may heal them.

But instead of following God's instructions, they become afraid, lose their faith and end up disobeying. They do this over and over again until God cannot trust them any longer. And so, very slowly, the anointing decreases.

God touches other believers, fills them with joy, gives them external evidences so they learn to trust and fills them to overflowing with His love. They receive the anointing but continue with sin in their lives.

They want the anointing of power, but they are not willing to abandon those things that grieve Him who gives the anointing. Anointing and sin can't walk together too far. Either the anointing gets rid of the sin or the sin gets rid of the anointing because darkness has no fellowship with light.

TIME WITH GOD Elijah told the widow to go home. God was going to do an amazing thing in her life, and she needed to be at home.

The believer has to understand the importance of time alone with God. In recent years we have seen church services filled with people who praise God together and want to be ministered to. This is wonderful, but we cannot neglect our private time with God. Our anointing for public ministry corresponds directly to the time we spend alone with God.

There is no secret formula in this. Anointed men and women who have been raised up by God in each generation have been those whose prayer lives were rich and consistent.

Prayer must be a daily practice for every believer. We must be alone with Him as much as possible--not only to seek more of Him but also to see our anointing increase. Jesus practiced this in His own life, pulling away to be alone with His Father. There, He received more holy anointing.

SHARING THE ANOINTING Elijah and Elisha not only had similar names, they also had similar ministries. In 2 Kings we read that Elisha also performed a miracle of provision for a widow. In this case, it was a prophet's widow. Her husband had revered God, but he had died, and there were debts to pay.

Since she didn't have the means to pay, the creditor wanted to take her two sons as his slaves. When Elisha asked what she had in her house, she answered, "Your servant has nothing there at all... except a little oil" (2 Kings 4:2).

Elisha told the widow what to do with the jar of oil--but his instructions sounded strange and a bit ridiculous: "Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few. Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side" (vv. 3­4).

Asking the neighbors for oil instead of jars would have made a bit more sense to me. The oil was valuable and negotiable and therefore could have provided money to pay the creditor, whereas the jars had very little value.

But Elisha ordered her to ask for jars!

For the anointing not to run dry, we have to share it. So many believers spend their time praying for more anointing, more oil. But God is telling them, "Don't ask for oil; ask for more jars. If there are more jars, I will pour more oil, and the oil of My anointing will never cease."

The Word says that the widow's jars became filled with oil. The sons kept bringing more jars, and instead of running dry, the oil kept on flowing, filling more and more jars. It ceased to flow when there were no more jars to fill.

The oil of the anointing will cease when you stop finding jars with which to share your blessings. As long as there are new jars to hold the Holy Spirit's oil, the anointing will go on.

VESSELS TO FILL The people around you--at home, at work, in the neighborhood, in your school--are empty jars. They are needy, lacking all those things that only Jesus Christ can produce in people's lives. When you bless them, two things happen. They are filled, and your oil continues to flow even more.

Remember too that blessing those around you is only the beginning. God expects that, but He also wants your influence to reach to the ends of the world.

The jars the widow needed had three characteristics: They had to be borrowed from the neighbors, they had to be empty and they had to be not "just a few" (v. 3). If you ask for jars and not just oil, God will send you people to minister to and bless.

All of a sudden you will start seeing people in a new way; the Holy Spirit will show you needs that lie deep in their hearts. You will be able to minister to them in a specific way, and the anointing will go with you and increase in you. The only time the oil runs dry is when there are no more vessels to fill.

The Potter formed you and made you into a jar. When you are filled with the oil of the Spirit, you bless those around you. If you are feeling as hopeless as the widow of Zarephath, do not allow your spiritual life to die but be open to receive a new anointing.

If you have asked for oil, you have received God's anointing already. Now ask for jars, and share the oil with them.

Read a companion devotional.


Claudio Freidzon is the founder of King of Kings Church in Buenos Aires, Argentina. He has been a leader in the revival in that country and now ministers to churches, pastors and leaders around the world. His book Holy Spirit I Hunger for You has been translated into nine languages.


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/spirit/supernatural/9382-maintaining-the-flow




4 reasons why religion is the key to a strong marriage


by Nancy Pina

stock-footage-attractive-young-african-american-couple-staying-fit-healthy-out-cycling-together

Focusing on what truly matters in a well lived life provides the stability and life satisfaction everyone wants to experience.

As a Christian relationship coach, the foundation of my work is based on faith. Without proper structure, you cannot know what to expect in love, especially in marriage. While on a mental or cultural level it may appear to be financially more feasible to raise a family alone, research shows that traditional models of marriage provide greater personal fulfillment, despite some financial sacrifices. The benefits of social support is extremely conducive for emotional and physical well being.

According to a recent article, people who regularly attend church marry at higher rates,divorce at lower rates, have more children and tend to be more faithful than those who do not. These positive benefits of regular church attendance not only keep couples spiritually, emotionally and physically healthy, but also strengthens intimate relationships. Placing faith as the foundation of marriage is the key to attaining the innate desires, true emotional security and the lasting fulfillment each person is ultimately searching for in life. No one looks back and wonders if they should have worked more for financial security; it is the quality of the relationships that can become a large regret if one does not have proper life priorities.

Many of you have met those who believe that going to church on a weekly basis is optional for the life of a believer; or perhaps that describes where you are today. We are made for community and connection and church attendance is an excellent avenue to build a strong life foundation. I have coached many couples who believe they are closer to God when they are in nature, saying it is just as good as going to church. While it is positive to appreciate creation and the beauty of nature, it is not a substitute and will not create a strong foundation of a shared life. We all need those around us who can hold us accountable to the values and morals we profess to believe. Left alone, it is human nature to stray from what one knows is right.

God's true character is revealed. For believers, God is the source in all areas, especially financially. Developing faith comes from learning how God works in and through individual lives and in a couple's shared vision. Attending church provides the atmosphere of love and it is through that most important relationship that one has with God that marital love can flourish. Most people identify the character traits of their biological fathers and project those traits on God. If your father was harsh and unloving, distant and judgmental, you probably have an inclination towards believing God is the same in His character. Developing your faith reveals the true identity of your God. Churches have the motivation and resources to help you on that journey. This is an important step in marriage because the tendency to repeat the pattern that was modeled in childhood is the norm until one learns that there is an alternative.

You meet like-minded couples. If you go to church with the mindset that you will make good connections with people who are kind, loving and caring, you will bring that experience into your life, just as much as having the opposite attitude will lead to that corresponding result. Developing good friendships also keeps couples accountable to each other.

Empathy during a crisis. Job loss is an extremely challenging event in a marriage and can be even more painful experience when there is no one to share those fears with. People who are hurting or have walked through similar circumstances will be at church. Couples can find a group of people they can share heartbreak, suffering and struggles with those who have been there. Do not dismiss the healing power of a few encouraging words from those who know exactly what you and your spouse are going through.

Corporate worship provides focus. Singing praises to God is a reminder of where our priorities need to be in life. Giving God the glory and honor through worship takes the spotlight off one's challenges and obstacles and reminds us that nothing is too insurmountable for God. The monetary gain one has presently is not a guarantee of forever prosperity. Focusing on what truly matters in a well lived life provides the stability and life satisfaction everyone wants to experience.

Couples who make a commitment to find a place of worship with the mindset that the benefits of emotional and spiritual fulfillment are more valuable than the possible financial shortfalls some associate with marriage, the more likely the benefits of fellowship will outweigh going it alone.

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Read this article in Your Tango

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


Original Page: http://www.ynaija.com/4-reasons-why-religion-is-the-key-to-a-strong-marriage/




Friday, June 14

4 behaviours that result in divorce (90 per cent of the time)


by Dave Elliott

Divorce

If you want your relationship to stand the test of time, it's up to you to steer it in the direction you want it to go.

In any marriage, there are a number of challenges that have the potential to wreck your relationship. However, if it's any consolation at all, researchers have observed that there are just four behaviors that (when avoided) greatly improve your chances of avoiding divorce. Now if you think that's a measurable improvement, consider this: In just 15 minutes of interaction, an expert can predict with a 90 percent degree of accuracy whether acouple will still be together in five years.

The Numbers Don't Lie

So how is it that an expert can predict with such incredible accuracy just which relationships are built to withstand the test of time? This isn't about fortune-telling or guesswork. Researchers have identified a list of the four behaviors you must avoid if you don't want to go down the path of divorce: accusation, escalation, invalidation and alienation. These are all learned behaviors, so you can also learn new and improved habits that will strengthen your relationship rather than destroy it.

1. Accusation: Simply put, one of the absolute kisses of death in a marriage is the tendency to assign blame or make accusations toward your partner — especially when you don't know all the facts. It's as fundamental as asking a question rather than making a statement or worse — an accusation. It's about asking, "Honey, did you make a purchase I don't know about?" rather than saying "The account is overdrawn again. What did you buy this time?"

If you want to have a quality, loving relationship, learn to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and always assume the best, rather than the worst. When you're a graceful person who treats others fairly and respectfully, even when they occasionally make a mistake, it creates a desire in them to be even better and to justify your faith. People will often rise or fall to the exact level of your expectations, so it's a great idea to check in on these if you see a problem arising.

2. Escalation: Human emotions under pressure tend to do one of two things: They either spiral upward or they spiral downward. In that way, this habit is somewhat closely aligned with blaming behaviors. Someone who habitually escalates a disagreement is more interested in deflecting and defending their own position and assigning blame to another party. This often creates a "dueling defensiveness" that is not only wholly unproductive … it's absolutely destructive.

One fundamental question is potent enough to remove a great deal of the destructive power this energy harnesses. That question is simply this: "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in love?" Always move in the direction of understanding first, and then move toward resolution. This will create the spiraling downward effect that I already mentioned.

3. Invalidation: This habit — like the others — simply reinforces a win-lose dynamic that, as I've said earlier, will eventually end up in one final loss 90 percent of the time. When you invalidate your partner, it's all about discrediting them or weakening them in some way. Oftentimes, this is done by objectifying someone or taking away their "human" characteristics and instead focusing on negative aspects, assumptions, and prejudices. This can be cruelly effective in the short term and possibly even destroy someone's self-esteem for a period of time. However, be warned, sometimes when the tables get turned, it happens hard and fast. A bully may win their share of battles, but it's very unsettling when they lose the war very, very suddenly when their partner can't take it anymore.

A key understanding that can shift this dynamic forever is the fundamental acknowledgement that as human beings, we're all doing the very best we can with what we have in the moment. Normal, emotionally healthy humans don't wake up in the morning and consider how they're going to meet only their own selfish needs while hurting and frustrating others that day. That's pretty much the definition of a sociopath and if that sounds like your partner, that level of dysfunction may be too deeply engrained to turn around without professional help and a real desire to change.

4. Alienation: This habit is about routinely withdrawing from or abandoning an effort to resolve an issue. Sometimes, it's more passive-aggressive, like giving someone the "silent treatment." Other times, it's more overt — like slamming the door and leaving — which gives your partner the uncertainty of abandonment. The one common theme is that it's a controlling mechanism designed to manipulate your partner and take back power or at least the illusion of it.

If you want your relationship to stand the test of time, it's up to you to steer it in the direction you want it to go. That means resolving issues and committing to meeting one another's needs. In order to survive the challenges, you have to work together as a team to craft win-win situations for your mutual benefit.

If you see yourself or your relationship in any of these scenarios, be assured that you're playing a dangerous, costly, and very risky game. There's a reason these toxic habits will cause a divorce within five years 90 percent of the time. Plus, these habits can be so deeply ingrained that oftentimes you leave one relationship and then start the cycle all over, recreating the dysfunction with a new partner. With coaching, you can get the support you need, not to mention the new awareness and skills that can make all the difference. If you want some help, contact me now, before it's too late. Coaching is a lot more cost-effective than losing half of everything you own. But as always, of course, the choice is entirely yours.

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Read this article in Your Tango

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

 

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What Do You Think About This? Please comment: Legislators should leave God out of the anti-gay bill


Collins Uma: Legislators should leave God out of the anti-gay bill

by Collins Uma

Black gay couple

Two reasons put forward by supporters of the bill are that homosexuality is not part of our culture and that it is a sin against God. No sillier reasons have been given for the passage of a an unnecessary bill which, technically, isn't different from attempting to legislate on anal sex.

A lot of thoughts have been on my mind since Nigeria's National Assembly officially criminalised homosexuality in Nigeria and prescribed up to 14-year jail terms for gay and lesbian couples and up to 10 years jail term for those who support them, including those who advocate gay rights. I say 'officially' because we have always passed homophobic sentences on people we suspect to be gay or lesbian.

In my university days, two girls got the embarrassment of their lives because someone entered their room and found them naked on the bed. The one who got into the room called out to others within the hostel to 'come and see lesbians' in their hostel. No question was asked and, before the two 'lesbians' knew it, the news was all over the campus. In their defence they denied involvement in any act of lesbianism and said they only stayed that way and didn't shut the door because there was no electricity in the hostel and the room was hot (boys were not allowed into female hostels). How many people heard their defence? How many who heard believed? The damage had been done. They became pariah until we left school.

A lecturer also became pariah because he was suspected to be gay. My friend wouldn't let the man supervise his final year project. I don't know how he convinced the Head of Department to assign another supervisor to him. The homophobia was that serious.

Two reasons put forward by supporters of the bill are that homosexuality is not part of our culture and that it is a sin against God. No sillier reasons have been given for the passage of a an unnecessary bill which, technically, isn't different from attempting to legislate on anal sex.

Culture

My wife is Tiv. Before our traditional marriage a list was given to me which included items I must provide. One item was particularly interesting to me. A wheel-barrow. Yes, I was told it is part of the tradition and culture of the people for a man who seeks a girl's hand in marriage to give a wheel-barrow, among other things, to the girl's parents. I wondered when that culture came into being. And when did wheel-barrows get to these shores that it has become a part of cultural obligations that must be fulfilled before marriage. I did not buy the wheel-barrow but when we got to the village they insisted that I pay for it and I did. It started one day but the practice has become part of the culture. The National Assembly will do well to note that they cannot decide on what is or will become a part of "our culture". There are over 300 ethnic groups in Nigeria, each with its culture or way of life and these cultures are dynamic. This leaves one wondering which culture the legislators are referring to. A Google search of the term 'Yan Daudu' will show that homosexuality in Nigeria is really not a recent phenomenon. The yan daudus are homosexuals in Northern Nigeria and they have lived among the people for over 100 hundred years. Infact, since before the advent of colonialism.

There are individual ways of life that cannot be put under the cultural umbrella. When a crime is committed the criminal is not prosecuted because he has done something which is against "our culture" but because of the injury his action has caused to the complainant. Who is the injured party when there is sex between two consenting adults? If a homosexual has sex with a minor or with a grown-up without the latter's consent then let the offender be prosecuted just like any other heterosexual who engages in such an act. Equality under the law demands this. If Adam and Steve will be imprisoned because they choose to have sex with each other instead of conforming to societal norms by having sex with Eve then one day we could have the legislators debating whether or not to imprison people like me who wear our wrist watches on the right instead of on the left hand and who prefer Pepsi to Coke. Its that ludicrous.

God

This is one excuse nobody should mention, in a secular state. In Nigeria, however, we are like the Nollywood producer/screenwriter who invokes the supernatural to resolve the conflicts in a story whenever he writes himself into a cul de sac.

When you say homosexuality should be criminalised because it is a sin against God, which God are you referring to? Nigeria is not a theocracy. We do not have a 'national God'. If it is a sin against the Christian God and/or the Muslim God, what happens to the citizen who does not worship the God the National Assembly referred to and who's prophets they have suddenly become? What happens to those who do not believe in the concept of God at all? What happens to the adherents of a 'godless religion' like Buddhism? Are we now going to compel them to live according to the dictates of Judeo-Christianity or Islam? In a secular state? Using 'God' as an excuse to bring this law into being is akin to removing all the regular courts from states that practice the Shari'a legal system and forcing everybody to be judged by the strict Shari'a codes, irrespective of each man's religious persuasion. Besides, how are we any different from the Boko Haram terrorists if we remove or cause to be removed from society those we do not like, in the name of fighting for God. Let's not even talk about the irony of a Nigerian legislator doing something for God. By the way, Leviticus 18:22 prescribes a death penalty for homosexuals. How dare these legislators reduce it to 14 years? If they're fighting for God shouldn't they be following the instruction to the letter?

If the Nigerian legislature want homosexuality criminalised it should be for better reasons and not something as hare-brained as 'culture' or 'sin against God'. Such debates and legislation will however persist as long as we sit back and hand over law-making to the incompetent ones among us because we are too posh and too elite to contest elections or register as members of political parties or stand in the sun to vote in the right candidates.

I am a born-again Christian and an ordained Minister of the Gospel, licensed to conduct marriages. I do not encourage homosexuality and I will not wed Adam and Steve or Ada and Eve but I will not send them to prison either.

————————-

Collins Uma tweets from @CollinsUma

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.


Original Page: http://www.ynaija.com/collins-uma-legislators-should-leave-god-out-of-the-anti-gay-bill/




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Thursday, June 13

Who’s Getting Rich With the Get-Rich-Quick Gospel?


Get-rich-quick schemes, er, programs are a dime a dozen—but they'll leave you with empty pockets and plenty of useless products if you buy into them. And the get-rich-quick gospel may cost you a little more. 

You may remember the question-mark-suit-wearing Matthew Lesko, the infomercial icon that peddled many books, including Free Money to Pay Your Bills. The New York State Consumer Protection Board exposed him for misleading advertisements, but not before he sold countless books at $40 a pop that he admittedly plagiarized. Get-rich-quick gospel gainsayers are a little more difficult to expose but not hard to discern.

Then there was the "Greatest Vitamin in the World" heist from Don Lapre. All you had to do was shell out $35 for a chance to make millions selling the vitamins, which promise to help with everything from diabetes to cancer. There's no telling how much Lapre raked in before the FDA warned the public about Lapre's false advertising. Likewise, there's no telling how much the get-rich-quick gospel preachers will stuff in their pockets before truth catches up with them.

Finding Your Miracle Money

It seems even Spirit-filled, blood-bought believers are buying into the most outlandish scams in order to make miracle money. Some of these are worldly scams; others are churchly scams. Both are leaving believers with big promises and dented bank accounts, and both show desperation or lack of discernment—or both—among many in the body of Christ.

I was talking with a pastor last weekend about a member of his church whose bank account was completely wiped out because he fell for the "Spanish prisoner" scam. You may know it as the "Nigerian 419" scam: You get an email from Nigeria (or India or Russia or South Africa) asking your help accessing unclaimed money in exchange for a cut of a multimillion-dollar inheritance. Scammers ask you to send wire transfers to pay costs associated with processing the claim.

This poor gullible saint—who was actually an assistant pastor in a local church—praised the Lord when he received the email offer. He had been praying for a financial breakthrough and saw the opportunity as a miracle answer from God!

My pastor friend—and others—warned him that it was what the old-timers called a "confidence trick," but he was either too desperate or too naive to heed the wisdom. He sowed thousands of dollars because he was utterly convinced he would soon be a multimillionaire. His lack of discernment—and his refusal to take wise counsel—devastated his finances.

The Get-Rich-Quick Gospel

The get-rich-quick gospel often works in the same way. You get email from a ministry asking for your help to keep a television broadcast on the air—or maybe even an orphanage open in Nigeria. There is nothing wrong with ministries sending out pleas for donations. The problem is what some of these ministries are promising in return. The get-rich-quick gospel scams make shallow, hollow promises that are not likely to come true for anyone—except for the few who are propagating the message.

Let's look at a couple of these gimmicks.

Maybe you've watched Christian television programs—or even seen in person—saints coming and laying money at the feet of the preacher, leaving it on the stage or even stuffing it in his pocket when he walks by. The idea here is to give to the anointing to get a quick return. They are sowing into the message they hear in order to reap a harvest. Scripturally, they stand on Acts 4:34 but blur the context, which was to distribute goods for the needs of people in the early church—not to heap up a quick financial return on a seed because of a "special anointing" on a message.

Or maybe you've seen variations of the Luke 6:38 swindle. The preacher says he had a vision or received a prophetic word that all those who commit to sow $638 over the next six months will get a massive financial breakthrough. Other gospel hucksters have offered a $1,000 return on a $58 seed—but only if you'll quickly go to the phone right now! And you'd better hurry because it's only available for 300 people who really need a miracle. Others just look for vows to give in exchange for an anointed prayer, then harrass you with letters to no end. Still others offer special anointed prayer shawls, anointing oil, special soaps or other merchandise that promise miracles in exchange for big bucks.

Common Sense and Discernment

Usually it doesn't take much discernment to recognize one of these schemes, but they aren't always so blatant. Sometimes it's much more subtle. That's why you need to stop and pray about your giving. If you sow a seed into a false prophet's pot, you aren't likely to get the reward you are looking for. Much like the local pastor who fell for the Nigerian scam, the miracle will never come.

Worldly get-rich-quick schemes and churchly get-rich-quick schemes have plenty in common. Typically, both imply a fast return on your investment thanks to a special revelation or a special anointing. Typically, both use pressure tactics to get you to let go of your cash quickly before you have time to really consider what you are doing. Sometimes they use testimonies from others who previously bought into the message and found fast success.

Don't fall for these tactics in the world or in the church. Again, the only one getting rich off get-rich-quick schemes are the ones crafting the scams—or helping promote the scams. Yes, they'll have to answer to God one day for fleecing the sheep. But that doesn't mean you don't have a responsibility to be a discerning, wise steward. So believe God wants to prosper you, but don't buy into the get-rich-quick gospel. It doesn't work any better than Lesko's Free Money to Pay Your Bills scam.


Jennifer LeClaire is news editor at Charisma. She is also the author of several books, including The Spiritual Warrior's Guide to Defeating Jezebel. You can email Jennifer at  jennifer.leclaire@charismamedia.com or visit her website hereYou can also join Jennifer on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/blogs/the-plumb-line/18030-who-s-getting-rich-with-the-get-rich-quick-gospel




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What Really Matters

A man once went to a minister for counseling.

"I've lost everything" he bemoaned.
"Oh," the preacher responded, "I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your faith."
"No," the man corrected him, "I haven't lost my faith."
"Well then," replied the preacher, "I'm sad to hear you've lost your character."
"I didn't say that," the man corrected. "I still have my character."
"Then I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your salvation."
"That's not what I said!" the man objected, beginning to lose patience.
The minister explained, "Well, you have your faith, your character, and your salvation. Seems to me, you have lost none of the things that really matter."

We haven't either. You and I could pray like the Puritan who sat down to a meal of bread and water. He bowed his head and declared, "All this and Jesus too?" Can't we be equally content? Paul says in 1 Timothy 6:6, "Godliness with contentment is great gain!"

From Traveling Light

Max Lucado

Wednesday, June 12

Godly Commands, Not Suggestions


By John Mason 
 
The Bible does not offer suggestions; instead it commands us:
  1. To be in right relationship with our brothers. 
    (Matt. 5:24)
  2. To follow the rule of peace. 
    (Col. 3:15)
  3. Not to "get even." 
    (1 Thess. 5:15)
  4. To be an example to others. 
    (1 Tim. 4:12)
  5. To be abounding, steadfast and immovable. 
    (1 Cor. 15:58)
  6. To renew our minds. 
    (Rom. 12:2)
  7. To separate ourselves from unclean things. 
    (2 Cor. 6:17)
  8. To be content with what we have. 
    (Heb. 13:5)
  9. To be filled with the Spirit. 
    (Eph. 5:18)
  10. To have no fear of what man can do to us. 
    (Luke 12:4)
  11. Not to be like the world. 
    (Rom. 12:2)
  12. To avoid greed and envy. 
    (Heb. 13:5)
  13. To be patient with all people. 
    (1 Thess. 5:14)
  14. Not to quit. 
    (2 Thess. 3:13)
  15. To be people of quality. 
    (Heb. 6:12)
  16. To beware of false prophets. 
    (Matt. 7:15)
  17. To avoid wrong conversation. 
    (1 Tim. 6:20)
  18. Not to quench the Spirit. 
    (1 Thess. 5:19)
  19. To abstain from all lust of the flesh. 
    (1 Peter 2:11)
  20. To teach our children about the Lord. 
    (Eph. 6:4)
  21. To cast all our cares upon the Lord. 
    (1 Pet. 5:7)
  22. To avoid murmuring or disputing. 
    (Phil 2:14)
  23. To give thanks in everything. 
    (1 Thess. 5:18)
  24. To give no place to the devil. 
    (Eph. 4:27)
  25. Not to grieve the Holy Spirit. 
    (Eph. 4:30)
  26. To honor our parents. 
    (Eph. 6:2; Matt. 19:19)
  27. To submit ourselves to God. 
    (James 4:7)
  28. To let men see our good works. 
    (Matt. 5:16)
  29. To resist the devil. 
    (James 4:7)
  30. To put on the whole armor of God. 
    (Eph. 6:11)
  31. To humble ourselves. 
    (James 4:10)
  32. To walk in the Spirit. 
    (Gal. 5:25)
  33. To cast down vain imaginations. 
    (2 Cor. 10:5)
  34. To come boldly to God. 
    (Heb. 4:16)
  35. To seek God's kingdom and righteousness. 
    (Matt. 6:33)
  36. To forsake not the assembling of ourselves. 
    (Heb. 10:25)
  37. To look to Jesus. 
    (Heb. 12:2)
  38. To be in agreement. 
    (Matt. 18:19)
  39. Not to cause others to stumble. 
    (Rom. 14:13)
  40. To bless those who persecute us. 
    (Matt. 5:44)
  41. To redeem the time. 
    (Eph. 5:16)
  42. Not to be ashamed of Jesus. 
    (Rom. 10:11)
  43. To have confidence in God. 
    (Heb. 10:35)
  44. To worship decently and in order. 
    (1 Cor. 14:40)
  45. To do all to God's glory. 
    (1 Cor. 10:31)
Source: An Enemy Called Average by John Mason 
Excerpt permission granted by Insight Publishing Group

Find Your Destiny in God Through Prayer


Do you ever have times when your life seems out of control? Do you ever feel pressured and fear you are missing out on a certain quality of life because your days are so busy?

Do you worry that you are neglecting one or more areas of your life because you are trying to fill numerous roles and meet endless expectations? I've experienced that too.

Have you ever felt as if you are stuck in one place and are going nowhere? Or worse yet, have you ever felt as if you are going backward?

Have you had times when you've lost your vision for the future? Or have you been frustrated because you never had a vision to begin with?

Have you wondered whether you can actually move into the full purpose and destiny God has for you? I, too, have felt all those things.

But God doesn't want you to feel that way.

God doesn't want you to live the kind of life in which you are barely hanging on. He doesn't want you to merely eke out an existence, find a way to cope with your misery or just get by.

He has more for you than that. He has a great purpose for your life.

But it won't be fulfilled without prayer.

Do you hunger for a greater sense of the Lord's presence in your life? Do you desire to know God in a deeper way?

Do you want to serve Him better and more completely? So do I.

The good news is that this is the way God wants you to feel.

God wants you to long for His presence. He wants you to find your fulfillment in Him and nothing else.

He wants you to walk closely with Him and increase in faith and knowledge of His Word. He wants you to put all your hopes and dreams in His hands and look to Him to meet all your needs.

He wants you to totally depend on Him. That's because when you do, He can move you into the purpose for which you were created.

But not without prayer.

If we are not praying about our lives, we can too easily become people we don't want to be. We become women who hear the truth but don't act in faith to appropriate it for our lives.

We spend valuable time grappling with doubt, fear, insecurity and uncertainty. We end up going around in circles, always passing through the same territory and coming back to the same problems, same frustrations, same mistakes and same limitations. We become callused, unforgiving, anxious, impatient or unteachable.

None of this is what we want! We want to break out of any self-defeating cycle of repeated patterns and habits and transcend ourselves, our limitations and our circumstances.

We want to be more than just survivors—even though there are times we are grateful to be just that. But we want more. We want to be overcomers.

And we want to be a part of something greater than ourselves. We want to be connected to what God is doing on the earth in a way that bears fruit for His kingdom. We want to abound in God's love and blessings.

We want to live life on purpose and with purpose. We want it all—all God has for us. But we can never achieve that quality of life outside the power of God. And then only as we pray.

We've all had times when we feel completely powerless in the face of our circumstances. We know we don't have what it takes to attain any kind of permanent transformation in our lives. Our best efforts to change ourselves and our circumstances always fail to produce lasting results.

We recognize our need for a power outside of and far greater than ourselves. But there is only one power in the world great enough to help us rise above ourselves and the difficult things we face and move us into a life of purpose. That is the power of God.

Without God's power, we can't transcend our limitations or get out of our ruts. We can't stand strong in the face of all that opposes us. We are doomed to a life of spiritual mediocrity.

God wants to deliver us from all that separates us from His best. He wants to set us free from everything that prevents us from moving into all He has for us. And He wants to use us to make a difference in His kingdom. All this requires the power of His Holy Spirit.


How do we appropriate it? Only through prayer.

CREATED FOR A HIGH PURPOSE Every one of us has a purpose in the Lord, but not all of us realize it. And when we don't have an accurate understanding of our identity, we either strive to be something we are not or compare ourselves to others and condemn ourselves for falling short.

When we don't become who we think we are supposed to be, it makes us critical of ourselves. It causes us to be insecure, oversensitive, frustrated and unfulfilled. It forces us to try too hard to make life happen the way we think it is supposed to.

God doesn't want that for you. He wants you to have clear vision for your life. He wants to reveal what your gifts and talents are and show you how to best develop them and use them for His glory. That's because He knows you will never find total fulfillment until you are doing what He created you to do.

Don't think that if you haven't moved into the purpose God has for you by now that it is too late. It's never too late.

I did everything late. I came to the Lord late. I got married late. I had children late. And I didn't start writing professionally until I was more than 40. The greatest part of my ministry happened in my 50s. I believe my best years are ahead.

Trust me, if you are still breathing, God has a purpose for you, and it is good. But God won't move you into the big things He has for you to do unless you have proven faithful in the small things He has given you. So if you are doing what you deem to be small things right now, rejoice! God is getting you ready for the big things ahead.

Although it may often feel like it, there is never a time when nothing is happening in your life. That's because whether you realize it or not, you are never standing still. You are either going forward or you're sliding back.

In order to keep moving forward, you need to become more and more passionate about God. You need to spend quality time with the lover of your soul every day.

I don't want any of us to wake up one morning and realize we didn't lay a good foundation in the things of God or didn't protect the foundation we had with prayer. This is not about getting things from God, although He has much He wants to give to us.

It's about getting into God and allowing Him to get into us. It's about letting Him make us complete. This is about a deep, intimate relationship with God and the wholeness that will be worked in us because of it.

God wants us to want Him. And when we realize that it's Him we want, it frees us to identify the longings, loneliness, frustration and emptiness inside us as our signal that we need to draw near to God with open arms and ask Him to fill us with more of Himself. It's in that kind of relationship that we will find our purpose.

But this deep and intimate relationship with God that we all desire and can't live without doesn't just happen. It must be sought after, prayed for, nurtured, treasured and protected.

THE FUTURE GOD HAS FOR YOU Though God has a plan for your future that is good, remember that the devil has one too—and it's not good. But the devil's plan for you cannot succeed as long as you are walking with God, living in obedience to His ways, worshiping only Him, standing strong in His Word and praying without ceasing.

When you live this way, according to God's Word and by the power of His Holy Spirit, you can trust that you are in the right place at the right time and that the Lord is working His perfect will in your life. You can trust that He is moving you into the life of purpose He has for you.

So don't give up if you are not seeing all you want in response to your prayers. You will! Just keep on doing what's right and refuse to give way to discouragement if things don't happen as fast as you would like them to. They seldom do.

And don't be concerned about your future. God wants you to be concerned with Him, because He is your future.

If you find yourself fearing that your future won't ever be any different than it is at this moment, please know the truth is quite the opposite. It's at these very times, when you feel as if you're not getting anywhere or you're missing the future God has for you, that God is actually preparing you for your future.

And when the time is right, He will undoubtedly do a very quick work. Though it's good to set goals, don't look so far into the future that you become overwhelmed by it.


Look to the Lord instead. Draw close to God and do what He asks you to do, and you will see God's purpose for you become manifest in your life.

More than at any other time in history, believing women are being given an open door to become all they were created to be. They are moving out in different areas of expertise and ministry and making an important difference in the lives of those whom God puts in their realm of influence.

God is looking for women who will be committed to living His way and stepping into the purposes He has for their lives. He wants women who are willing to sacrifice themselves for His kingdom. Women who say, "Not my will, but Yours be done, Lord." He wants praying women who are led by the Spirit, who will do what it takes to be equipped and ready when He opens the doors of opportunity for them.

You are one of those women. In order to move into the purpose and future God has for you, talk to Him about it every day. Say, "Lord, show me clearly what the gifts and talents are that You have placed in me. Help me to grow in them and enable me to use them according to Your will and for Your glory. Lead me in the way I should go as I move into the future You have for me." When you do, God will "grant you according to your heart's desire, and fulfill all your purpose" (Ps. 20:4, NKJV).

Read a companion devotional.


Stormie Omartian is the author of The Power of a Praying Woman, from which this article is adapted. Published by Harvest House.


Original Page: http://www.charismamag.com/life/women/9764-find-your-destiny-in-god-through-prayer




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