Don’t Marry Unless You Can Find This Kind of Bride or Groom

On their wedding day, the poet placed these words of invitation on the groom's lips for his beloved:

Come, grow old with me! The best is yet to be,
The last of life,
For which the first was made.

What bride wouldn't say yes to such a promise!

The groom

The first nine verses  of Psalm 45 focus on the royal bridegroom. When husbands emulate his qualities, strong marriages result.

1. Character which invites praise (v. 2). Most marital problems would be avoided if the wife could say to her husband, "You are the most excellent of men." It's the man's responsibility to conduct himself in such a way that his wife can honestly praise him.
The telltale sign of such sterling character is how the husband talks to his wife: "Your lips have been anointed with grace." Many marriages languish because the husband rarely, if ever, expresses love, appreciation, or compliments.

2. Handsome bearing (v. 3). The groom looks great in his full military uniform. What bride wouldn't be impressed? Why not keep it that way throughout marriage? Stay in shape and look the best you can. "Clothe yourself with splendor and majesty."

3. Noble ideals (v. 4). Let the husband be a Don Quixote. "In your majesty ride forth" in quest of truth, humility, and righteousness. What great goals! His purpose in marriage goes beyond self-pleasure—he sees his life mission in larger terms and his marriage as part of God's plan for the fulfillment of divine aims.

4. Inner strength (v. 5). This young man intends to be successful. His "sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king's enemies." He will be victor and not victim. A bride does well to marry a man who has wholesome self-confidence in addition to his faith in the Lord.

5. Submission to God (vv. 6,7). Blessed is the bride whose husband knows the Lord. In these verses, the Psalmist leaps beyond the human groom to a prophetic description of the Church's bride- groom, Jesus. (See Hebrews 1:8,9.) The earthly husband aligns his character to the Lord's, possessing a love for righteousness, a hatred of wickedness, and a life of joy.

6. Love for beauty (vv. 8,9). Here is a man who smells good, possesses a keen sense of aesthetics ("palaces adorned with ivory"), and loves music. He treats well his sisters, but his wife is honored over them—she is pure gold.

The bride

How shall the bride respond to such a stunning bridegroom? The balance of Psalm 45 provides the answer.

1. Break with the past (v. 10). She is to "forget" her people and her father's house. Marriage does involve transfer of loyalty and affection. By loosening the strings to parents, a bride and groom both enhance success in their marriage.

2. Genuine respect (v. 11). One can marry from false motives—money, power, security. In Psalm 45 the groom is enthralled by his bride. She responds by honoring him. When a couple truly love each other, they do everything possible to make honor and servanthood a two-way street.

3. Pride in belonging (v. 12). A bride not only marries the groom, but all he represents. In Psalm 45 the bride wed someone whose relationships contribute positively to the marriage. She is proud to belong to him. Troubled marriages are the opposite: partners feel they would be better off alone or with someone else.

4. A delightful appearance (vv. 13–15). There is wonderful charm in how this bride looks in her "embroidered garments" and "gown interwoven with gold." Not all can dress lavishly, but all can enter their husbands' presence with "joy and gladness." Sexual love in marriage should be marked by the bride and groom making themselves beautiful for one another.

5. From wife to mother (vv. 16,17). Most marriages produce children. Smart is the bride who picks not only a good husband, but a good father; likewise the groom chooses not only the woman he loves, but also a great mother to his children.

Don't get married unless you can find a Psalm 45 bride or groom. And, if you are married, take inventory—do these qualities for bride and groom describe how you relate to your spouse?

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